Published May 15, 2010
The sea rolls over frozen lands and under empty skies;
The sea gulls fade into the sun and call their last goodbye.
Voices in the wind and waves and echoes of the deep
Whisper in my restless dreams and haunt my waking sleep.
The silver ships are sailing and will come to me no more,
Though I stand alone and waiting on this long-forgotten shore,
Searching the horizon for a hope that swiftly fades,
My song of love and longing lost among the breaking waves.
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
You've got a great image going with this piece - I really like the portion about the dreams, with "waking sleep." Good contrast of words.
My only suggestion is to take "though" out in the sixth line. I noticed there's a uniform syllable count throughout the poem, and that word sort of threw me off when I first read it. Beginning it with "I stand" doesn't take away from the poem at all, and would keep the count the same throughout the whole piece. But, as I said, that's just a suggestion... I'm not sure if you're intending to keep a strict count, or you're okay with stray words here and there. Either way, it really doesn't change the meaning of the poem, so it really doesn't matter I suppose
Again, great piece. I love the sea, the ships, and everything in between... so it's always a pleasure to read a great poem about them, too. By the way, the way you ended your poem is excellent.
Probably my favorite part of the whole piece, simply because I can imagine screaming out at the ocean and not being able to be heard over the roar. Excellent. Keep writing!
Lovely poem! Very descriptive, concise...what's not to love?
I really liked it- very good imagry
Hi there,
I suppose another nice compliment couldn't hurt?
I enjoyed your poem fully. I perceived a girl waiting by the shore, lost in thoughts.
Am I right?
I can't really say anything else that the others havn't so already...good job!
Nice job here, Warrior Princess! I like the imagery in this poem.
It should be 'seagulls.'
I think the 'waves' should be cut out, because it lessens the impact of your last line.
Other than that, good work. Keep writing!
I love this! It's absolutely my favorite kind of poem and it involves the ocean (which I love too!) My favorite part is the last line. It sums the whole poem up so well and gives it a definite ending.
~Amylith
Wow! This was incredibly good. Your meter was lawless, your rhyming well thought out. You have a lot of poetry talent. One tiny nitpick:
should really be:
The sea gulls fade into the sun and call their last goodbyes.
Other than that, amazing job. This is an absolutely beautiful and well-written poem.
aw you guys are too nice. muchas gracias! i love the sea and it inspires many of my poems. this was actually composed while standing in the breaking surf and watching the sunset...lol inspiration is unconquerable
I really like this since I'm a nature freak and leave near the ocean. And I also get a mystery feeling to it, I hope that was what you were aiming for.
But I would really enjoy it if it could be longer because it seemed really interesting and meaningful.
You have a wonderful gift. Keep up the good work
Extremely good poety. I love it!
Great! Very poetic. I especially liked how you used the term "Sea Gulls" after the sentence containing "Sea rolls", blended very well. If I had to label this piece into some context it could definitely be integrated into a song, perhaps even a folk poem of lore, as you mention a fantasy landscape, "Silver ships", and you encapsulate a very dreamy landscape into this piece. I enjoyed reading it very much as it obviously took time to carefully construct the sentences and I hope to read more from you.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky